WARNING: This has turned out to be a long story - but it is worth persevering to the end.
Four weeks have elapsed since I first reported Kato's Credit Card fiasco. I will now share with you the conclusion to the story which in Wallis terminology is possibly one of the funniest days of my life. This is also a story of how my life was completely shredded in one 3 hour period.
Anyway - off we go. We duly received the 'Secret Pin" letter so knew that the card was on the way. Two days later the new Credit Card arrived with a letter stating that the new card had the same pin as the one it was replacing. Why the 'Secret Pin' letter then? Ring the Falcon - he will have the answer. Believe it or not but the cancelling of Kato's stolen card coincided with the replacement date of it so we had a card cancelled, a new card issued with the same pin number that was unusable and a new pin number for a card that was not issued because a replacement card was sent because the stolen one was expiring. Everyone keeping up with the story.
Easy I thought, we have a replacement card so the Falcon can enable it and we get it to Kato and everything is OK. WRONG. The Falcon says throw that card away, keep the secret pin number because that will match the new card when it arrives. Well we wait, and wait, and wait. Time is running out so another call to one of the Falcon's assistants to try to find out what was happening.
As much as I trust the Falcon, I am feeling a bit shakey. Despite the replacement for the expired/stolen/cancelled (call it what you like) plus the secret pin letter arriving safely at our postal address it seems that the new card has been posted to an address that Kato stayed at briefly before departing for Africa. How did this happen? The Falcon's assistant quickly pointed out that it was sent to the address on file. When I asked how the expired/stolen/cancelled card had arrived at our address and the secret pin letter had arrived at our address but the matching card didn't the Falcon faltered slightly. He never once admitted there could have been a mistake, just that 'THE SYSTEM' sends these things so it wasn't his fault.
Thank goodness it wasn't his fault.. We arrange to retrieve the letter, I make the phone call and activate the card. This was easy as I did not need to speak to anyone just keyed the card number and Kato's birthdate in (got the right birthdate this time) and 'THE SYSTEM' works with me to achieve the desired result.
Next day I visit the ATM and with the secret pin manage to change the pin to the one Kato uses so when she receives the card it will be ready to go. This change flows perfectly. I notice a pattern - when I can communicate direct to the Falcon's heart without an assistants intervention things seem to work smoothly. Now to get the card to Kato.
I had received an email from Kato suggesting that I send the card by FedEx as it would be safer and they would phone her when it arrived in Livingstone and she would pick it up. Where is FedEx? Where else but near the airport - that is on the way to everywhere!!!! Love of father knows no bounds so off I set to tackle the Airport Roundabout - a fantastic piece of engineering where we have a roundabout with three sets of traffic lights on it. Many people have explained why this is a good idea but I can never see the sense of traffic lights on a roundabout. Follow the directions and a few minutes later I spot the FedEx sign and stop.
Inside I am greeted by a very helpful man who furnishes me with the quadruple copy form and instructs me to 'press very hard' when filling it out. I duly do this - an act more like engraving than writing. Then the helpful man's assistant comes to work out how much it will cost - in a flash I am told $110. They both comment that this seems a bit excessive. Great judgment guys. Anyway after changing categories, sizes and weights they both look at me and say the price is ...... $110. There is nothing they can do.
I pause for a moment, think about the money Kato has spent in phone calls etc, her need to get access to her funds etc and decide to pay the money and get the card on its way. They guarantee delivery in under 5 days. A thought flashes through my mind, "Does the Falcon fly it over?" I immediately come to my senses as a cold shiver runs down my spine. Package delivered, pen broken from filling out the form and a strange feeling of satisfaction floods over me.
Back in the car to negotiate the Airport Roundabout and off to Indooroopilly Shoppingtown on my next errand. It is strange how a feeling of satisfaction can disappear so rapidly. I had just turned on to Milton Road when my phone rang - unknown number but for some reason I answered. It was Jim, my best friend from FedEx - bad news - we can't send the parcel as Federal Laws forbid the transport of credit cards to quite a few places, Zambia and Zimbabwe included. I asked if they could just change the description but apparently Customs will XRay the parcel anyway and stop it. Turn at the Brewery and head back to tackle the Airport Roundabout again.
Jim shows me the big book with the clear message of why they could not send it. Returns the parcel then refunds the money. I head off again through the dreaded roundabout with traffic lights and reach Indooroopilly Shoppingtown. It was here that I had a thought. The Falcon has a branch here, they must send cards to Zambia, they could help me. What a disastrous thought and action.
I walk into the Falcon's Lair an am greeted by the Manager, a delightful lady who listens to my story intently and assures me that they can help. I sit at her desk as she dials a number, identifies herself to the person on the other end with a code number and begins to explain the situation. After a couple of minutes she appears to be agitated as her voice gets ever so slightly louder as she keeps repeating "Do not do that, DO NOT DO THAT". This is followed by statements such as "I am trying to help these people you cannot do that".
The phone is hung up, tears stream down her face. The person at the other end has cancelled the card because someone other than the owner is in possession of it. I try to console the Manager but her rage overflows. All of a sudden I find that I am arguing the Falcon's side of the argument - she is only following procedure - I get shouted down by the Manager as she continues to apologise for the stupidity of the system. The system is stupid and allows for no human intervention. The face to face was good and there was understanding but the tragic result was that the card was cancelled and Kato would have to ring from Africa to order another one.
I thought that was enough so wandered off to buy a paper and sit with a cup of coffee before ringing Katie. She turns her phone off when she sleeps so I send her a text message asking her to text me when she wakes as I have a good story for her.
I head to the Newsagent and just before entering pull out my wallet and realise I have no money. No worries, an ATM for my bank is on the same floor but right at the other end. I stroll down to it trying to relax a bit. As I reach the ATM I see the dreaded words "Temporarily out of Service". Just how long is Temporarily I ask myself. I shove my card in the adjacent machine and withdraw the money including the "Yes I will pay a $2 fee for the extreme pleasure of using your machine".
I trudge back to the Newsagent and as I reach down THERE ARE NO PAPERS - they have sold out. This is the end for me as I head for a coffee. As I sit down my phone beeps with a message from Kate. I phone her and we laugh long and loud about the comical situation we are in. We devise a plan for her to get money, robbing a bank is not that hard is it. I remind her of one of my fathers favourite sayings:
"If you are going to rob a bank then do it yourself because if you get someone to help you they always turn out to be a thief."
She agrees. I drink my coffee and head home to tell IW the next chapter of Wallis folklore.
